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How to Create an Effective Reward System for Kids
Dealing with a child misbehavior can feel overwhelming at times, especially if you have tried everything you can think of. But the good news is that reward systems can be highly effective at changing a child's behavior. Plus, almost all kids respond favorably to rewards.
So, whether your toddler is biting, your preschooler is throwing tantrums when it's time to leave the park, or your tween keeps forgetting to do their chores, a simple reward system can help them become more responsible for their behavior. Here is what you need to know about setting up an effective reward system based on your child's age.
What Is a Reward System?
A reward system is an approach to discipline and behavior modification that parents sometimes use to get their kids to replace negative behaviors with positive ones. Instead of disciplining a child for bad behavior, they reward them for positive behavior.
Kids learn to change their behaviors and make better choices through positive reinforcement. Ultimately, when a child receives positive feedback, encouragement, and rewards for making a good choice, they naturally gravitate toward those behaviors again instead of the negative behaviors. "Reward systems can be helpful to encourage positive, healthy behaviors in children and may increase their self-esteem and self-image," says Anisha Patel-Dunn, DO, a psychiatrist and chief medical officer at LifeStance Health in Scottsdale, Arizona. "Positive reinforcers like praise can also build trust as they help children learn to navigate healthy boundaries and expectations from their parent."
Benefits of Reward Systems
There are a number of benefits to implementing a reward system. Here are just a few things you can expect a reward system to do:
Encourage positive, healthy behaviors
Increase a child's self-esteem
Improve parent-child relationship
Encourage responsibility and independence
Develop new skills
Decrease parent stress levels
Allow both parent and child to focus on the positive
Keys to an Effective Reward System
When setting up a reward system, it is important to keep your child's age in mind. You don't want to place expectations on them that are not age-appropriate nor do you want to try to change too much at once—particularly with little kids.
"Rewards can be beneficial to help children achieve a specific behavior or goal," says Kate Eshleman, PsyD, a pediatric psychologist at Cleveland Clinic Children's. "It is a system to increase motivation for something the child may not be interested in or motivated for [themself]. Applying an external reward assists the child in working to complete, achieve, or master this task by making it meaningful to them."
It is also important that the reward is something your child wants, something you can be consistent with, and contains an attainable goal. The best way to ensure that is the case is to involve your child in developing the reward system. Ask them what they consider a good reward and begin there.
"The identified reward has to be something that is meaningful to the child, and thus the child’s engagement in developing the plan is important," says Dr. Eshelman. "It likely will not work if the parent identifies the reward without the child’s input. Feedback on earning the reward should be immediate and specific, and often times small approximations to earning the large reward are helpful."
It is important for parents to follow through on outlined plans, and thus only agree to rewards that they are willing and able to provide.”
For example, if your child wants to earn something specific like a Lego set or a trip for ice cream, it is likely not feasible or appropriate to provide this each time a specific task is completed, explains Dr. Eshleman. So, if the goal is for them to stay in bed all night or their finish homework in the evening, parents can use stickers for younger kids or tokens for older kids. Eventually, with enough tokens or stickers, they can "purchase" the bigger reward.
"It is important for parents to follow through on outlined plans, and thus only agree to rewards that they are willing and able to provide," Dr. Eshleman adds. "In order for the system to be effective, [you] must stick to the plan and follow-through, which can take a lot of time and energy."
When deciding what to work on first, Dr. Eshleman recommends picking one or two specific target behaviors. Make sure your child has a good understanding of what is expected and how the reward is achieved so they can understand their progress toward the goal.
Tips for Effective Reward Systems
Brittany Schaffner, a crisis education supervisor for the Behavioral Health Pavilion at Nationwide Children’s Hospital, offers these tips for success.
Identify one behavior or task you would like to your child to learn.
Set realistic expectations.
Be patient as kids learn new skills.
Involve your child in choosing the reward.
Provide clear direction and guidance.
Offer specific praise and do it often.
Strive for consistency and follow through on your promises.
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